Saturday, April 01, 2006

"I just don't love him anymore!"

(April FOOL's!)

In this lame attempt at an April Fool's joke, I have copied an article with some very good advice about a subject that is no joke!

Do I love my husband?

QuestionI've been married for 20 years to a kind, but boring, man. I have always gone out with my friends and had a good time, but recently I met a man at a club and I can't stop thinking about him. I even sent him an email through Friends Reunited, but he hasn't replied.

Now I'm very depressed and don't know if I love my husband any more. I have told him how I feel, and although he says he is willing to change and that we'll do more together, I think it's too late. How can I feel so strongly about a man I've only known for two hours?

AnswerIt sounds as if you've been unhappy with your marriage for a while, and now you've met someone you like, that unhappiness seems really clear. All the negative emotion you've been pushing down has come shooting up - so you feel angry, upset and rejecting towards your husband. And all the positive emotion you haven't felt for years has also come shooting up - so you feel passionate, needy and obsessed with this other man.

Problem is, what you feel for him isn't real and it isn't love. You don't know him so you can't possibly love him, care for him or build a relationship with him. Plus, of course, there's no evidence that he wants you.

This is tough talking, I know, but you need to realise two things. First, what you're feeling for this man is not the basis for leaving your husband. Secondly, that something is wrong with your marriage and you need to sort it out.

It's almost certainly possible to mend your relationship with your husband if the two of you are willing to try. But you won't be able to do it alone. Arrange some counselling sessions with Relate. If through the sessions you realise that your marriage is at an end, the counsellor will help you part in the best possible way.

The bottom line here, hard though it is, is that what you feel for this man does not mean that you and he have a future together. But he has given you a gift - the courage to sort your life out!

Seriously, if you can relate to this article, I pray that you will find someone to offer counsel and spiritual guidance for your relationship.